I have joked we should have named this "resurrection kitty" instead of Love. But this is Bub's favorite toy.
So many things, so much to do, and so short of a time to do them in.
Yesterday I didn't know how to pray. I want a job. I NEED a job. I can't move forward with my life without a job. George says for me to wait till I get what I want. To be patient. Don't take some medeocre job and get stuck not doing what you want.
Can you believe this? This man is the one taking care of us. It's not his job. But he's not saying, "take the first one so I don't have to support your family anymore!" Nooooo.....he's saying, go and get what you want. We'll be alright. I cry. What a man. What a human being.
You know that verse on the window?
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12
See, I told you I put it in majic marker on the window. You didn't believe me did you? This is what it looked like in the morning with the fog on the window. Pretty isn't it?
Well this verse if being put to the test in my life. So is this verse:
Well this verse if being put to the test in my life. So is this verse:
"That I have said, that I will bring about, what I have planned, that I will do." Isaiah 46:11
How hard is it to believe when you are on the Mountain Top? Not that hard. What about when the storm is blowing? Or when you feel like someone kicked your feet out from underneath you and you feel trampled, beaten, battered, bruised, unloved and unremembered? A little more difficult, eh? Yes sireee!
For those of you who have been wondering, here's our situation.
The kids and I live in a three room cabin that my grandfather built on church campgrounds. There was 7 of us in there but someone came to Mom and Dad and offered thier cabin up, so there's only the 5 of us now. (only, hahahahaha!) Oh, and one kitten named Love.
About a week after being in the cabin, the torliet quit working. So we have to walk outside in the cold dew, two rows behind us to use the communial torliets and showers. We actually kinda enjoy this (but not so much at dark-thirty in the morning) because we all take a stall and shower and gab together like females do.
Interjection: This makes me think of the comedy of Mike Warnke. The wife stands up from the table and asks, "Who's gotta go?" When she gets back her husband asks her: "What took you so long?" "There was a line." "I know, you took it with you."
Back to the scene at hand. A couple of days ago we replaced the microwave with one that had more 'umph'. Well. It died. I replaced with a smaller one of mine (that's older than my daughter), it died this morning. This morning when I'm feeling that beat up, dragged out, pityparty feeling.......yeah, this morning.
We were laughing the other day cause the cabin we live in has running water - and the water heater went out. So to heat up your coffee you have to go to Mom and Dad's cabin to use thier microwave. They don't have running water, but they have a flushable torliet. It's not closer to thier cabin than the communial torliets. (but it's a pretty walk)
To do laundry we take the clothes up to my Aunt and Uncle's. (also the pastor and wife of the church on the camp grounds) This is the only oven we have and internet connection. Currently we are using an electric skillet to fix meals. It works! (praise God and please let it keep working!)
Each morning the kids and I get in the van at 7am. We drive 40 min. to the Elementary School that they have attended the past 4 years. I see no reason to change schools till I have a job. Why should they have to leave all thier friends, sports and such cause one person was stupid? Not twice in a year they aren't. I'll get a job and THEN move them. They already know this and are prepared. One is currently begging for it.
Then I run my errands, go to my appts, do my interviews. I pick one daughter up at 3pm. I drive back to pick another one up at 4:30 for cheer pratice. Then I either drive to the Jr. High to pick one up at 5, drop her off at 4:20 for an away game or 5:20 for a home game. Somewhere in there we have to go to town to eat and drive back.
The driving is wearing me down. It's financially breaking me. (and I'm getting 'trucker gut') I am so ready to move forward with my life. We have about another month left before they shut off the water and power to the campgrounds. This just adds a little more pressure.
We are living off the money my ex-husband pays for child support. Do some math here:
Income: $800
Outgo: $130/wk for fuel
$250/mo in Dr. Bills
$12/game x 2 a week
+ meals before games and anything else the girls need
While this is the daily norm, here's a few other battles the devil is using to try to break me down:
My oldest daughter is in volley ball. The coach apparently doesn't like her. She knows where we are living and how far away we are. The last game was only 5 min from the cabin. She WOULDN'T let me take her home from the game. She made me drive the 30 min to the elementary school to take her 35 min. back home. Afterwards she makes a fool of my daughter at each practice. I went to the principal to see how to handle this. He said it was wrong what she's doing and he'll have a talk with her. As of yesterday, she's still picking on my daughter during practice. (and I'm NOT supposed to smack this bitter, hateful, pg woman smart. I keep telling myself this) So, we pray for her every day before school - the coach that is.
The (i hate to use 'woman' here because I don't see this person as this way) female that was flaunted, rubbed in my face, given my place and placed as more important than me, has been emailing me. Her first words where that I was jealous of what was just a 'friendship'. Uh-huh. Now it's that I refuse to see the truth and live in a fantasy world. (Well I am dreaming of a two story, 5 bedroom house, don't think that's the fantasy she's accusing me of) Really.....
When I ask if she would like to enlighten me, I get alot of backlash. This doesn't convince me of the 'friendship' I KNOW wasn't existing. However, it does spur me on that I do want bigger and much, much better things. Word to the 'female' that so many people are saying, "she thinks if (me) is out, she's in" the house is open. Go for it girlfriend. As I've said many times before, if you can catch him, you can keep him.
I'm sorry for complaining, but I have to let it out. Today has been a Chocolate Pity-Party. Last night I hit a breaking point and literally ran from the cabin. (down the sidewalk to the last cabin on the hill) Where I cried, literally bawled before God. Please. Please. I don't think I can take much more. Knowing full well that I can take all He gives because He never gives us more than we can handle. Because it's this testing and trials that will make me as pure as gold. It's this battle that makes me stronger.
Today I'm learning that I WILL go as far as He tells me to go - even if I have to die to get there. When I get to the end I will discover one of two things:
Either God will come through for me or He never existed to begin with. I already know where I stand. And as one Pastor's wife told me, "His Word is true, or He's a big, fat liar."
For those of you who have been wondering, here's our situation.
The kids and I live in a three room cabin that my grandfather built on church campgrounds. There was 7 of us in there but someone came to Mom and Dad and offered thier cabin up, so there's only the 5 of us now. (only, hahahahaha!) Oh, and one kitten named Love.
About a week after being in the cabin, the torliet quit working. So we have to walk outside in the cold dew, two rows behind us to use the communial torliets and showers. We actually kinda enjoy this (but not so much at dark-thirty in the morning) because we all take a stall and shower and gab together like females do.
Interjection: This makes me think of the comedy of Mike Warnke. The wife stands up from the table and asks, "Who's gotta go?" When she gets back her husband asks her: "What took you so long?" "There was a line." "I know, you took it with you."
Back to the scene at hand. A couple of days ago we replaced the microwave with one that had more 'umph'. Well. It died. I replaced with a smaller one of mine (that's older than my daughter), it died this morning. This morning when I'm feeling that beat up, dragged out, pityparty feeling.......yeah, this morning.
We were laughing the other day cause the cabin we live in has running water - and the water heater went out. So to heat up your coffee you have to go to Mom and Dad's cabin to use thier microwave. They don't have running water, but they have a flushable torliet. It's not closer to thier cabin than the communial torliets. (but it's a pretty walk)
To do laundry we take the clothes up to my Aunt and Uncle's. (also the pastor and wife of the church on the camp grounds) This is the only oven we have and internet connection. Currently we are using an electric skillet to fix meals. It works! (praise God and please let it keep working!)
Each morning the kids and I get in the van at 7am. We drive 40 min. to the Elementary School that they have attended the past 4 years. I see no reason to change schools till I have a job. Why should they have to leave all thier friends, sports and such cause one person was stupid? Not twice in a year they aren't. I'll get a job and THEN move them. They already know this and are prepared. One is currently begging for it.
Then I run my errands, go to my appts, do my interviews. I pick one daughter up at 3pm. I drive back to pick another one up at 4:30 for cheer pratice. Then I either drive to the Jr. High to pick one up at 5, drop her off at 4:20 for an away game or 5:20 for a home game. Somewhere in there we have to go to town to eat and drive back.
The driving is wearing me down. It's financially breaking me. (and I'm getting 'trucker gut') I am so ready to move forward with my life. We have about another month left before they shut off the water and power to the campgrounds. This just adds a little more pressure.
We are living off the money my ex-husband pays for child support. Do some math here:
Income: $800
Outgo: $130/wk for fuel
$250/mo in Dr. Bills
$12/game x 2 a week
+ meals before games and anything else the girls need
While this is the daily norm, here's a few other battles the devil is using to try to break me down:
My oldest daughter is in volley ball. The coach apparently doesn't like her. She knows where we are living and how far away we are. The last game was only 5 min from the cabin. She WOULDN'T let me take her home from the game. She made me drive the 30 min to the elementary school to take her 35 min. back home. Afterwards she makes a fool of my daughter at each practice. I went to the principal to see how to handle this. He said it was wrong what she's doing and he'll have a talk with her. As of yesterday, she's still picking on my daughter during practice. (and I'm NOT supposed to smack this bitter, hateful, pg woman smart. I keep telling myself this) So, we pray for her every day before school - the coach that is.
The (i hate to use 'woman' here because I don't see this person as this way) female that was flaunted, rubbed in my face, given my place and placed as more important than me, has been emailing me. Her first words where that I was jealous of what was just a 'friendship'. Uh-huh. Now it's that I refuse to see the truth and live in a fantasy world. (Well I am dreaming of a two story, 5 bedroom house, don't think that's the fantasy she's accusing me of) Really.....
When I ask if she would like to enlighten me, I get alot of backlash. This doesn't convince me of the 'friendship' I KNOW wasn't existing. However, it does spur me on that I do want bigger and much, much better things. Word to the 'female' that so many people are saying, "she thinks if (me) is out, she's in" the house is open. Go for it girlfriend. As I've said many times before, if you can catch him, you can keep him.
I'm sorry for complaining, but I have to let it out. Today has been a Chocolate Pity-Party. Last night I hit a breaking point and literally ran from the cabin. (down the sidewalk to the last cabin on the hill) Where I cried, literally bawled before God. Please. Please. I don't think I can take much more. Knowing full well that I can take all He gives because He never gives us more than we can handle. Because it's this testing and trials that will make me as pure as gold. It's this battle that makes me stronger.
Today I'm learning that I WILL go as far as He tells me to go - even if I have to die to get there. When I get to the end I will discover one of two things:
Either God will come through for me or He never existed to begin with. I already know where I stand. And as one Pastor's wife told me, "His Word is true, or He's a big, fat liar."
1 comment:
Hi Dawn,
You're in my thoughts and prayers. I never had things as bad as I think you have it. But, I had to raise a daughter (only 1) on my own and was dumped for someone else.
Fortunately, you have God on your side and you KNOW IT. At the time of my divorce, I didn't know the Lord, I hadn't received my salvation. I was just religous.
Be strong and let go and let God be your guide.
You are blessed to have your Mom and George there for help, encouragement and support. My parents encouraged and helped me.
Again I say, be strong and be patient. God will see you through.
God bless you and your children.
Love ya, Mary
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