The Winds of Change

(Isnt' this beautiful? I just had to have a pic of it to remember how gorgeous my back yard looked on the morning of March 25th. Can you see the frost on the barbwire even?)

This is what it looks like a short walk from my house. Can you believe this mess?)

Winds of change. That's funny. Since just last week a tornado, straight winds, (a giant passed gas) whatever you want to call it went by less than a block from my house. It took plywood off the neighbors trailer, tore thier barn in half and completely demolished the trailer across the street from them. Whoosh! Who knew a trailer could cover such a large area of land!?!

(The first is the creek on our property. Normally the water is no where near the fence. The second is a bridge we have to cross into the great town of Mayberry that we live in. That is an entire tree, roots and all in there. Later I'll take a pic of what it normally looks like. Anyone care for swimming?)

I'm thinking, when was that? Oh yeah. Let's go back in time , shall we? Last Monday, my boss gives me a job. He tells me this isn't good and I shouldn't be happy about it. It's an evaluation. He keeps telling me, "don't be happy about this. this isn't a good thing." So I look at him, "Um, what are the consequences if I fail?" He can't tell me, it's an evaluation. Okay. Do this......so I gleefully go back to my office with this new challenge that I am eager to create. Yeah for me! (I am SO niave)

I work and work and study and study and try and try. Thursday I have this forboding feeling. I go outside in the wonderful warm sun to think and calm down my heart rate. I pray. "Dear Lord, I love my job. I love where I work and the people I work with. If you want me to keep this job you will. If not, please help me to follow the direction I should go in." That wasn't a easy prayer cause I meant it. Every word of it.

Friday. I go into my boss's office to tell him I've got most of it but having trouble with a bit of it. I've done over and over and over. I know it's got to be something simple but I just can't seem to put my finger on it. I told him I was paranoid. He laughs. Nothing to be paranoid over. Well thought I'd lose my job. Nothing to be paranoid. I believed him. Turned in my project at the end of the day and left feeling relieved.

Monday. Go to my boss's office to tell him about the tornado. He looks at his screen and quickly says, "I don't have time right now." Okay. That's odd. He's never like that but he has been given a full plate lately. I can understand that. Just let me know when you have time. I was anxious to figure out about the project. Turned on my computer to work on it some more. I WILL figure this out!

Get a phone call 2 hours later. Come to HR. Okay. Step in. The lady's desk is clean except for one single folder. It's NEVER clean. Always a stack of work. And my boss. Not good. His words exactly, "There's no easy way to say this. This wasn't an easy decision, but for the good of (the company) we're going to have to let you go. Believe me, this wasn't easy. (name) has some HR things and I can't stay here for this." And out he goes. Um...........????????

After she goes over things I ask, "did I do something wrong?" (she smiles) "I can't tell you anything more." ??????? So I'll ask my boss. "He can't tell you anything more either." ??????

I email him, can we talk for 5 min. Email says, "I understand you are frusterated, my hands are tied. There's honestly nothing more that I can tell you." And he LEAVES THE BUILDING!!! (so now I have the plague?)

I numbly go back to my office and start packing. I can't believe this. No warning. You suck. Kiss my a**. You can't do your jobs. We don't like your hair. You stink. Something would have been better than nothing. Nothing makes your mind go in a whirl thinking of every possible thing you did/didn't do. Okay, so I move on. Would someone please pull my legs out of the mud?

Nothing. That's what I got. A big fat nothing. Hmmmm....I will at least tell a person my issue with them. Ask, I can give references. Oooookaaay.

Go home in tears. Feel like a big fat failure. Be numb for a day. Make a double batch of triple chocolate chip cookies with my kids. I'd like to say my kids are supportive, but that would be only half true. My youngest ones come up and hug me. BBug says, "Mom you'll get another job somewhere." My oldest say, "Yeah, Taco Bell is hiring." Haha, I forgot to laugh. Dork. (she'll laugh when she reads this)

My husband surprised me the most. He was supportive. He was oh so very good. Was upset with me. Understanding. Took two days off to be with me. Loved on me. Patted my head. Told me it was going to be okay and then yesterday told me it was time to get up off the dirt. I'm a smart woman and it was thier loss. Time to move on and look at my options. Good man. Very good man.

So....we've worked on the front flower garden, we built a strawberry patch, and started on the veggie garden. I've worked that poor man like a barrowed mule. :) Today I updated my resume, went to my previous place of education and visited the job expo. I know who I want to call. We'll see if anyone calls.

These two fellows were there with a computer. One fellow must be from India. Raj. He looked smart. The other guy was the president. After some conversation he told me congratulations, I was the first person he'd met that used .Net, which is the language they code in. Oh yippy skippy. So, we'll see.

To combine my stress, I noticed the child support checks weren't coming in and made a call to the ole ex. Yep, he's not working this month. Think maybe you'd like to make a call? Maybe say, "Hey, you may want to adjust your budget as such?" Of course not. Cause he's the ex. And this is the sort of thing he's expected to do. Now is the time to tell the attorney to drop the battle ax on him. Hmmmm........

So my pride is bruised, (and why is it spreading out?) but I do have hopes for the future. My yard and gardens should look better here soon and I'm working to keep my head up. Saturday I'm joining my hubby in Vegas. We need some time alone. I was voting for Cancun. I'm happy with Vegas. Hopefully by the end of the trip I get to shoot something, like prairie dogs.